derek/stiles; full circle
"Get out," Stiles said, teeth clenched tight, and Derek hadn't been expecting that at all. He left, though, silently glad that for once an argument hadn't turned into an all out fight, words and punches thrown carelessly as they each fought for the upper hand, the last word.take my hand i'll be everything to you
take my hand i'll take everything from you
i will seep under your skin i will
i will hold onto your heart i will
They tried to make it work. Stiles was just a kid, still in the the throes of puberty, tangled up in too many emotions and hormones and rushing headlong into the first relationship he'd ever had. He'd lusted after the same girl for nearly five years, caught up in beauty and smarts. He'd always imagined he would end up with her someday, had some irrational ten year plan in place. He never seemed to understand that it would never work,
that Lydia loved somebody else. That despite the many flaws and fights and breaks between her and Jackson, that those two would always be together, no matter what. They'd already had too much invested in each other for it not to. They were the epitome of high school romance. Years later they would be that married couple who'd made it through high school together, into adulthood and marriage; after years of breaking and making up they'd finally settle into made up permanantly.
Derek was still a kid, in a way, never given the chance to properly transition from teenager into adult after his entire family was murdered. The one person he had ever trusted that wasn't family was Kate-sweet, beautiful, older Kate who he thought he loved-and it turned out that that trust was wrong, mistaken; that he never should have believed anything Kate had said. He was a werewolf and he couldn't even tell that the entire relationship had been a lie. Trust was hard after that. He still trusted Laura, and Peter. And for awhile, he made it work. Then Laura went back home and after following her Derek had found her dead. Murdered. He went to Peter first, sat beside him and cried until there were no tears left. He hadn't had to say anything, only sat down and whispered his sister's name before breaking down in his uncle's hospital room. Peter was all he had left at that point. Finding out that he had been the one who'd killed Laura had torn Derek apart even worse than he had been. Everyone he loved was gone-and it was all because he'd trusted the wrong person. Having to kill Peter was the best/worst thing he'd ever had to do.
Stiles thought he loved Derek. He was too trustworthy, too open, putting his heart out there for all it was worth. Derek had taken it, taken Stiles. He thought he could make it work. No matter what though, that lack of trust was always there, lying underneath everything and mocking Derek. He tried to trust Stiles but he never could, not fully. There was always going to be that part of him that just couldn't trust, couldn't put his faith in another person. They never actually put a label on the relationship so the words breaking up were never spoken. They would fight, screaming and hitting until they were too exhausted to do anything else. Derek hated hurting Stiles. If Stiles hit him, he could at least heal. During their first argument Derek had blackened Stiles's eye. They didn't speak for a week after that, mostly because Derek had taken to avoiding Stiles out of guilt. Stiles had cornered Derek in the supermarket and punched him so hard Derek had stumbled back a bit. Stiles muttered something about payback and just sucking it up already and then he was gone, leaving the supermarket as quickly as he'd appeared in the frozen food section. Derek had left his cart in the middle of the aisle and followed. He wasn't surprised to find Stiles waiting by his camaro, smirking like the damn fool that he was when he saw the bruising fading on Derek's cheek. They went back to Derek's and managed to go a whole month without another fight. After that, they barely managed two weeks without a screaming match followed by nearly as long avoiding each other.
Derek kept trying, but he knew it was only a matter of time before it was over. He was hurting Stiles worse with every argument but Stiles was too headstrong to see that anything was wrong. He called them lover's spats, jokingly punching Derek on the shoulder when he said it, eyes bright and smiling wide. Derek just growled and shoved Stiles backwards. "You don't get it," he said, crowding the teen up against the wall of his bedroom. "This isn't a game."
"I never said it was," Stiles replied harshly, voice soft and hardened at the same time. He sighed angrily and waved his hands in the air. "I just thought...this is what relationships are like, isn't it? I mean. My mom died when I was a kid but Scott's parents always fought, then made up. And Lydia and Jackson do it all the time. Fighting is just one of the downsides of being in a relationship, right?"
Derek laughed harshly at that, then sighed at the confusion showcased on Stiles's face. The kid actually believed that that was exactly how relationships worked and that everything was normal with how theirs was working. "Jackson is a moron, and that's why he and Lydia argue," Derek stated firmly, "And Scott's parents fell out of love. But Jackson and Lydia don't hit each other do they? Did Scott's dad-"
"No! No. He was just. He gave up on them, ya know?"
Derek nodded, crossing his arms across his chest. "There," he said pointedly. "We barely make up before we're attacking each other again. I hurt
you. I thought you were smart. You should know that this isn't normal or okay by any means."
"Yeah, but...it's worth it. I love you."
Derek honestly didn't mean to laugh. He'd hit Stiles during the more heated arguments but he never intentionally meant to hurt Stiles. And the physical pain was always different, therapy almost, a way for the two of them to release all of their pent up emotions. When he laughed, he regretted it immediately. Stiles froze, breath hitching in his throat. "I-" Stiles started, stopped. "I mean, don't you feel the same?"
"You don't love me," Derek said. "You're just a kid."
Stiles shook his head and shoved at Derek's chest. Derek could see the words boiling under the surface, waited for Stiles to start shouting. It was how all of their arguments started. Stiles was the talkative one, after all.
"Get out," Stiles said, teeth clenched tight, and Derek hadn't been expecting that at all. He left, though, silently glad that for once an argument hadn't turned into an all out fight, words and punches thrown carelessly as they each fought for the upper hand, the last word.
A week later Stiles drove out to the Hale house. He stood outside for five minutes before Derek appeared, coming out of the woods behind Stiles. Stiles started spouting apologies, explained that he was just being stupid and didn't actually know what he was talking about when he'd told Derek he loved him. Derek pretended he didn't hear the stutter that betrayed the lie and gripped Stiles by the hand and pulled him into the house. After that, they managed to go an entire month without arguing for the first time since the beginning of the relationship, and Derek forgot all about wanting to end the relationship. A month of no fighting reignited that little spark of hope that maybe this relationship wasn't actually as horrible as it seemed.